


Fawn - With a Machine Gun

by fresne



Category: Better Off Ted
Genre: Bechdel Test Pass, Female Characters, Female Protagonist, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-07-08
Updated: 2010-07-08
Packaged: 2017-10-10 11:00:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,313
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/99011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fresne/pseuds/fresne
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This was when Veronica knew that she would crush this Bechdel test to dust beneath her feet. She would pass it. She would win an award. She would stand in front of the rest of Veridian Dynamics and give a speech and they would give her a trophy. Not that she liked the trophies. She loved them. She melted them down and made them into bullets. She liked making bullets. She liked shooting bullets. She liked striding.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fawn - With a Machine Gun

**Author's Note:**

> [Podfic archived](http://audiofic.jinjurly.com/fawn-with-machine-gun)
> 
> [Original podfic Link](http://lifeamgood.com/podcasts/FawnWithMachineGun.mp3)
> 
>  
> 
> The following inspiration for this work and inspiration for my dialogue, where I am not directly quoting, because apt quotes are cool:
> 
> Can't say as I remember quoting, but if I did and I haven't attributed, let me know and I'll add it.

Veronica was wondering if they couldn't compress the size of the cubes to create a bi-direction super walkway with an extra lane for fast striders such as herself when two of the cube drones - variety female - stopped talking as she walked by. This in and of itself was not odd. Veronica was stunning and powerful and people should stop talking about themselves when she strode past.

But they laughed when they thought she was beyond the range of hearing. They didn't realize that she had the hearing of a bat. A bat and several other things with good hearing now in a range of several attractive colors and scents. It was something Lem and Phil put together. One of the women said, "There's a fail the Bechdel test." The other woman laughed (laughed!) and said, "She wouldn't know it if it hit her."

This was when Veronica knew that she would crush this Bechdel test to dust beneath her feet. She would pass it. She would win an award. She would stand in front of the rest of Veridian Dynamics and give a speech and they would give her a trophy. Not that she liked the trophies. She loved them. She melted them down and made them into bullets. She liked making bullets. She liked shooting bullets. She liked striding.

Ted was working on something unimportant when she went into his office. "Our department needs to pass the Bechdel test."

He looked up and smiled a white Ted smile. "Then you shouldn't be talking to me."

She narrowed her eyes. She wanted to ask what the Bechdel Test was, but that would admit ignorance and it was important that she seem to know everything. She widened her eyes, because sometimes that worked to get people to spill irrelevant information. Or babble about the beauty of her eyes, which were beautiful, but he only said, "I'm serious. We're not passing if you stay here talking to me." He leaned back in his unfocused chair. "And are you sure Veridian is giving us the Bechdel test?"

"Yes." In that she was going to be taking this test and what was true for her was true for her department and it was important to be decisive. She walked out. Linda, who would probably want to talk about her emotional problems, was lurking in her cube, but what was Quality Assurance for if not to put a rubber stamp on passing a test.

"We need to pass the Bechdel Test." Veronica crossed her arms to indicate that she was serious.

"Really." Linda then began a long monologue about how happy she was that Veridian Dynamics finally cared about the emotional well being of the women at their company.

Or she would have if Veronica hadn't cut her off. "This test is only for women?" That seemed unfair and when things seemed unfair, Veronica felt like a fawn.

"Well, you have to have at least two women to pass it. And they have to talk. About something other than men. I hate men." Linda glared across the corridor and Veronica was bored already.

"Like we are talking right now?" It seemed Veronica had already passed this test without even trying, which was so like Veronica.

"Well, yes, maybe, I think I may have..."

Veronica uncrossed her arms. "I've already stopped listening." She went back to her office. But then it occurred to her that she'd merely passed the test. She wanted to crush it like the fawn that she was. A fawn with a machine gun. A trophy winning razor backed fawn. Because a fawn always had to keep moving if it wanted to live.

She told that to the girls at the "They Gave Her an Award" young women of tomorrow mentorship program when she went to give an inspiration and motivational talk about how to be more like her when they grew up to to be women of the world. One of the girls raised her hand and said, "Isn't that a shark."

"No, little person, whose hair is not quite attractively curly enough. It's a fawn. A razor backed fawn. With a machine gun." Veronica held her hands in machine gun position just in case the little girl's logic had not yet formed and she needed visual cues.

"Oh," said the girl, who nodded seriously, taking in Veronica's wisdom, which was good because Veronica was very wise.

The question was how to win her new trophy. She thought about it. Made her decision. Made a second decision because apparently her first decision went against the rules of God, man (which seemed to have been the point), and would result in a cost overrun. Then had to settle for her third. A meeting.

She needed another meeting like she needed another hole in her head, and the ones she had were perfect. But there was nothing for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Women. (A room full of women looking up from a long conference table). They make up half the world. (A Veridian Dynamics satellite whirling around the earth). We even hired one to be our spokeswoman. (A shape waving from behind a glass wall). They buy our products (A woman pushing a cart past Veridian Dynamics tampons in a brightly lit supermarket). We're looking to replace them (Laughing babies plugged into gleaming machines). But we never will. (A woman giving a Powerpoint presentation while holding a baby on her hip and cooking).

Veridian Dynamics.  
Women. Cool with us.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Elaine thought they should go to a spa, which made Veronica wonder if she shouldn't have gone with her second choice to have Lem and Phil build an army of robotic Summer Glaus for Veronica to interact with.

Sheila had shown up in a shirt with an adorable kitten on it. Veronica thought that the company had repossessed that personality. She'd have to talk to Requisitions later.

Patricia from down in labs thought they should... and then Patricia trailed off.

It was irritating. Veronica might have to shoot the wall with her Trailblazer of the Year award.

When Linda said, actually she said a whole long rambling speech about something, but it wrapped up with, "Roller derby."

"Is it violent? Because I like violence. It's good for my pores." Veronica felt her pores and they were already tightening at the prospect of a blood bath.

"Some," Linda did not know how to sell it.

Sheila made a face like she'd smelled that hornet perfume. "I don't want to do something violent."

"Are you a kitten." Veronica stood up.

"Well," Shelia was willing to give in to kitten. Veronica wasn't going to stand for that. In fact, she was already standing.

"Do you want people to pick you up by the rolls of skin on the back of your neck or do you want to pick them up?" She put her hands on her hips because everything was better with hands on hips. "Are you a kitten or are you a tigress? Roaring and devouring anyone who gets in your way."

"I want to devour people," whispered Vivian.

Veronica looked at Vivian.

"I want to devour people!" yelled Vivian. Veronica nodded her approval.

Soon they all wanted to devour people. All except Sheila, who was wavering on the edge with her soon to be repossessed kitten shirt.

Until Linda, full of the dark side, said, "Oh, and you can pick a name that's a pun. Like Sandra Day O'Clobber, or Goldie Knoxx, or, oh, here's a good one, Anna Mosity."

Veronica wasn't sure how she felt about puns. But hands on her hips, she knew that she loved this moment. Women running around the conference table. Shooting several different calibers of guns out the window. They were sure to win an award.

Veronica made a hundred rounds of nine millimeter with hers and she got to break someones arm to do it.

**Author's Note:**

> If after reading my fiction here, you would like to read more about me and my writing check out my profile.


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